


50 Things The Gleeks Have Learnt The Hard Way Not To Do During Glee

by The_Second_Evil



Category: Glee
Genre: Gen, Gen Fic, List Fic
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2011-06-01
Updated: 2011-06-01
Packaged: 2017-10-20 00:06:57
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,164
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/206681
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/The_Second_Evil/pseuds/The_Second_Evil
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>A list of 50 things the Glee Club has learnt not to do during rehearsal. Based on a Glee Fluff Meme Prompt.</p>
            </blockquote>





	50 Things The Gleeks Have Learnt The Hard Way Not To Do During Glee

1\. Never say the phrase, “Please elaborate, Rachel.”

2\. Never, not even in jest, say the phrase: “I don’t understand, if only this information was presented to me in some kind of easily accessible PowerPoint form.”

3\. Do not refer to Barbara Streisand as “that hot MILF from ‘Meet The Fockers.’” You will not like what happens next.

4\. In fact, just avoid the topic of Streisand completely, even if it’s to say something complementary. It never ends well.

5\. Do not dismiss Cheerleading as ‘not a real sport’. Spirit fingers make surprisingly effective fists.

6\. Do not mention the documentary on farming you saw last night and go into graphic detail about how various animals are slaughtered. The other club members will not appreciate your attempt to educate them.

7\. Do not make Brittany cry! Ever! Santana will cut you.

8\. Never imply that no-one could possibly know the level of pain you experienced after getting hit with a football in your unprotected crotch when there’s a girl who went through childbirth sitting right next to you.

9\. Do not sing an original song you composed in Na’vi. It’s just plain embarrassing.

10\. Never bring up American Idol, everyone has a different opinion and they are all wrong.

11\. Do not say that you think the Star Wars prequels are better than the original films. Mr Schue is surprisingly passionate about Star Wars and will not let you leave until you admit that he is right and you are wrong.

12\. Do not rearrange the choreography so that Rachel is constantly surrounded by people who tower over her. It might be funny but the lecture you receive afterwards about height discrimination is totally not worth it.

13\. Do not touch Brad’s piano. Still waters run deep and he will drown you.

14\. Do not point out that technically speaking Finn is co-Captain. The pitying looks from everyone else, including Mr Schue, will make you feel like an idiot.

15\. Do not suggest to Brittany that she come to rehearsal without her cheerleading uniform on. She will take you literally.

16\. Do not flood the Choir Room with helium as a prank. Rachel’s (still annoyingly pitch perfect) scream can shatter glass and you’ll have to pay for the damages.

17\. Do not get the Jazz Band to play ‘Thus Spake Zarathustra’ when you enter the choir room shouting ‘Woo!’ The joke is only funny if everyone gets it.

18\. Do not say the phrase ‘Who the hell is Tim Gunn?’ Kurt almost spontaneously combusted with rage last time.

19\. Do not suggest you can be Santana’s lesbro. She will cut you.

20\. Never walk into the Glee Room after hours without knocking. Dollars to doughnuts you will see someone getting it on.

21\. Pulling a Kanye in the middle of one of Rachel’s diatribes is a good way to lose an arm.

22\. Do not ‘goose’ Tina, Asian Vampires are terrifying.

23\. Never use the phrase ‘only a complete idiot would do that’ you’re practically giving Puck free license to do anything.

24\. Do not dose the Cheerios water bottles with hallucinogens; Brittany’s imagination is already way out there, on drugs she’s the Lord Mayor of Crazytown.

25\. Do not suggest that Chris Pine is a better Captain Kirk than William Shatner. Quinn has surprisingly strong views on the subject and she will make your life hell until you acknowledge that she is right and you are wrong.

26\. Do not challenge Mr Schue to a pop and lock contest, his back still hasn’t recovered from the last time.

27\. Do not start a ‘who would win in a fight’ discussion regarding any superheroes, the boys will get distracted and the girls will start wondering if any of them could take Coach Sylvester. Answer: No.

28\. Do not alter the key on Kurt’s sheet music so that he has to sing a song in his ‘Mellencamp voice’. It was disconcerting the first time and has not gotten any less so.

29\. The choir room is no place for an impromptu game of Murderball.

30\. Do not take away Santana’s breadsticks. You know the rest.

31\. Do not replace all the fluorescent lights in the choir room with black lights. The effect is not as cool as you would think and the ensuing detention was not worth it.

32\. Do not hide a duck in Mr Schue’s hat; the resulting chaos will leave you with a really bad headache.

33\. Do not turn up to rehearsal hungover, Rachel is incredibly perceptive and will ensure that practice involves lots of drum solos and high notes to spite you into never repeating your mistake.

34\. When losing at Gangsta Rap musical chairs accept your loss gracefully. Do not bodily remove Artie from his wheelchair and then claim you’re still in. Even Puck thought that was distasteful.

35\. Do not take photos of the Gleeks drunken mistakes, blow them up to poster size and then hang them in the choir room. Their vengeance will be swift and terrible.

36\. Do not refer to yourself as ‘The Puckerman Express, Destination: Sexy Town’ otherwise you will receive a cease & desist order from Coach Sylvester.

37\. Do not challenge the Club to a quick game of ‘Hide & Seek’ during a rehearsal break. You will never find Tina.

38\. Do not come to Glee rehearsal dressed as a zombie mailman. Finn’s screams of terror are hilarious, but again: detention.

39\. Do not spend the entire school year barely saying a word. You will find yourself mysteriously ‘transferred’ and no-one will ever hear from you again.

40\. Do not joking suggest to Mr Schue that you do a Journey retrospective week.

41\. Do not tell Artie & Santana that their ghetto talk is getting on your last nerve as next rehearsal the entire club will indulge in it even while singing.

42\. Do not have a big dramatic relationship conversation in the middle of rehearsal, the last thing you need are witnesses to your emotional pain who react by asking someone to pass the popcorn.

43\. Do not play with Sue Sylvester’s trophies; Santana learnt her skills from someone after all.

44\. Do not paint a mural of gay sharks in the choir room, as sensitivity training is boring.

45\. Do not say the phrase “It’s Brittany’s world, we just live in it.” Otherwise Brittany might just give herself an aneurysm trying to mentally shape the world.

46\. Do not drink from a bottle labelled April Rhodes’ Protein Shake. Just don’t.

47\. Do not interrupt a catfight. Puck will run you up the flagpole.

48\. Do not play ‘Guess Who’s There?’ with any of the Glee girls, unless you like being winded.

49\. Do not hide Santana’s knives. She will just use the nearest blunt object instead.

50\. Do not go around proposing to the other members of the club over every little thing. Sam is very sensitive about other people stealing his shtick.


End file.
